1godzillafan
02-19-2009, 12:57 AM
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DVD Review
The Feature
4/10
Boring entry in the series made worse by one of the worst endings in the history of cinema.
The Extras
3/10
Fun commentary and a not very interesting featurette.
What You See
I foresee two reactions to Feast III: The Happy Finish:
1. It lives up to the outrageous unpredictability of the first two just as much and thensome, providing many sequences that cause the viewer to second guess what they just watched. Another fun romp with the hungry and horny monsters that want to eat/rape everything in sight.
2. It journeyed far beyond the point of being outrageous into the territory of just plain stupid and unsatisfactory, with an ending that all but says "fuck you" to anybody who bothered to watch it.
Unfortunately, I'm the latter. This is the first movie I have ever seen that made me feel like it was intentionally ripping me off and stealing my money. And I've seen every fucking Friday the 13th movie made, thank you very much.
There was once an episode of Lost called the Long Con, which explained to me the concept of a "long con." A long con is a con on someone where you take the time to become personally involved with someone only to steal from or cheat them right under their noses in the long run. I feel as if director John Gulager and writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan have done so to not just me, but fans of what was a fun franchise. It seems to me just by watching the second and third films that they perhaps didn't want to do sequels, and only did so because there was a demand for them. So they make two back-to-back, the first of which was fun, but felt like it was setting up something else as it boldly went nowhere during it's runtime. Months passed as I anticipated the conclusion. Finally the day came, and the result left me regretting that I even liked the original.
The first thing I was hoping to get from Happy Finish was that it would at least have more plot that Sloppy Seconds. Half-way in, it became obvious that was not going to happen. OK then, at least I can get some awesome monster action. Monsters we do have, but unfortunately their scenes are sparse and bland. The only other thing I wanted from this movie is that our biker chicks are still topless and wearing leather thongs.
One out of three aint bad. Well, yeah it is, but I still saw some nice girly things. Well...girly things that were already seen in Feast II...but they're still nice.
The majority of the movie isn't downright horrible, it's just the most poorly made and boring of the series. Granted, it's a cheap indie sequel to a cheap indie film, but it's worse than usual. One of the final action scenes takes place in a dark sewer with the only light source being quick flashes. It's annoying and hard to watch, and I couldn't even tell what was killing who. Fortunately, the humor almost saves the film, with some unexpected twists that will make you smile (including some people you thought were alive that aren't, and some you thought were dead that are still kicking), my personal favorite being Bartender's survival skills learned from John Rambo. There's even an "emotional" death scene to one of our favorite shirtless biker girls in which Biker Queen mourns her fallen comrade by lying her head down on her chest, kissing her breasts, and lightly fondling her, as well. I dare you to name one mainstream horror movie that has that, thank you very much.
However, the humor does come with a consequence, which is unfortunately the movie's biggest downfall, the ending. To explain what is wrong with it is pointless. I understand that they are trying to be outrageous and edgy, but I feel the need to point out one thing: The previous film featured a baby that was tossed into the street and was eaten alive. If you try to be more outrageous than that, it is gratuitous to the point of stupidity and you will fail. There is no arguing this point. The ending to Feast III is a victim to this.
When you watch this scene, did you laugh with it, or did it make you want to toss the DVD into your fireplace? I find it ironic that the Happy Finish's ending made me angry.
The end credits hint at a fourth film, which may or may not be just a joke. I don't know whether I want this or not. Personally, I'd like to have a sort of "side-quel" following Tuffy, Hot Wheels, and Bozo from the end of the first movie (or perhaps Biker Queen's final ride with an army of monsters is leading straight toward them?). There's also potential of a Transformers crossover, but I'd rather have Happy Finish erased from continuity only to release Feast III: The Real Version released in the future before that happens.
Don't you think you have tainted the name of Project Greenlight enough. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon would be ashamed of you.
What You Get
Like Feast II: Sloppy Seconds, images on the internet promise an Unrated cut for Feast III: The Happy Finish. Also like Sloppy Seconds, there is no Unrated cut available. Sorry folks, the only one out there is R without an ugly Unrated stamp on the cover.
Bonus features are the lightest of the series. There is a decent audio commentary from the filmmakers, and their stories of what Feast III was supposed to be before it became crap are more compelling than the film we ended up with. Damn budgets to hell.
The only featurette focuses on John Gulager and tells an 8 minute tale of his experience on Project Greenlight, which led to the production of the original Feast. Excuse me while I don't care.
Final Verdict
The three-course Feast in overview: The starter was satisfying, the entree was tasty but unfulfilling, and the desert was sour and indigestible.
I am not recommending this restraunt to my friends.
DVD Review
The Feature
4/10
Boring entry in the series made worse by one of the worst endings in the history of cinema.
The Extras
3/10
Fun commentary and a not very interesting featurette.
What You See
I foresee two reactions to Feast III: The Happy Finish:
1. It lives up to the outrageous unpredictability of the first two just as much and thensome, providing many sequences that cause the viewer to second guess what they just watched. Another fun romp with the hungry and horny monsters that want to eat/rape everything in sight.
2. It journeyed far beyond the point of being outrageous into the territory of just plain stupid and unsatisfactory, with an ending that all but says "fuck you" to anybody who bothered to watch it.
Unfortunately, I'm the latter. This is the first movie I have ever seen that made me feel like it was intentionally ripping me off and stealing my money. And I've seen every fucking Friday the 13th movie made, thank you very much.
There was once an episode of Lost called the Long Con, which explained to me the concept of a "long con." A long con is a con on someone where you take the time to become personally involved with someone only to steal from or cheat them right under their noses in the long run. I feel as if director John Gulager and writers Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunstan have done so to not just me, but fans of what was a fun franchise. It seems to me just by watching the second and third films that they perhaps didn't want to do sequels, and only did so because there was a demand for them. So they make two back-to-back, the first of which was fun, but felt like it was setting up something else as it boldly went nowhere during it's runtime. Months passed as I anticipated the conclusion. Finally the day came, and the result left me regretting that I even liked the original.
The first thing I was hoping to get from Happy Finish was that it would at least have more plot that Sloppy Seconds. Half-way in, it became obvious that was not going to happen. OK then, at least I can get some awesome monster action. Monsters we do have, but unfortunately their scenes are sparse and bland. The only other thing I wanted from this movie is that our biker chicks are still topless and wearing leather thongs.
One out of three aint bad. Well, yeah it is, but I still saw some nice girly things. Well...girly things that were already seen in Feast II...but they're still nice.
The majority of the movie isn't downright horrible, it's just the most poorly made and boring of the series. Granted, it's a cheap indie sequel to a cheap indie film, but it's worse than usual. One of the final action scenes takes place in a dark sewer with the only light source being quick flashes. It's annoying and hard to watch, and I couldn't even tell what was killing who. Fortunately, the humor almost saves the film, with some unexpected twists that will make you smile (including some people you thought were alive that aren't, and some you thought were dead that are still kicking), my personal favorite being Bartender's survival skills learned from John Rambo. There's even an "emotional" death scene to one of our favorite shirtless biker girls in which Biker Queen mourns her fallen comrade by lying her head down on her chest, kissing her breasts, and lightly fondling her, as well. I dare you to name one mainstream horror movie that has that, thank you very much.
However, the humor does come with a consequence, which is unfortunately the movie's biggest downfall, the ending. To explain what is wrong with it is pointless. I understand that they are trying to be outrageous and edgy, but I feel the need to point out one thing: The previous film featured a baby that was tossed into the street and was eaten alive. If you try to be more outrageous than that, it is gratuitous to the point of stupidity and you will fail. There is no arguing this point. The ending to Feast III is a victim to this.
When you watch this scene, did you laugh with it, or did it make you want to toss the DVD into your fireplace? I find it ironic that the Happy Finish's ending made me angry.
The end credits hint at a fourth film, which may or may not be just a joke. I don't know whether I want this or not. Personally, I'd like to have a sort of "side-quel" following Tuffy, Hot Wheels, and Bozo from the end of the first movie (or perhaps Biker Queen's final ride with an army of monsters is leading straight toward them?). There's also potential of a Transformers crossover, but I'd rather have Happy Finish erased from continuity only to release Feast III: The Real Version released in the future before that happens.
Don't you think you have tainted the name of Project Greenlight enough. Ben Affleck and Matt Damon would be ashamed of you.
What You Get
Like Feast II: Sloppy Seconds, images on the internet promise an Unrated cut for Feast III: The Happy Finish. Also like Sloppy Seconds, there is no Unrated cut available. Sorry folks, the only one out there is R without an ugly Unrated stamp on the cover.
Bonus features are the lightest of the series. There is a decent audio commentary from the filmmakers, and their stories of what Feast III was supposed to be before it became crap are more compelling than the film we ended up with. Damn budgets to hell.
The only featurette focuses on John Gulager and tells an 8 minute tale of his experience on Project Greenlight, which led to the production of the original Feast. Excuse me while I don't care.
Final Verdict
The three-course Feast in overview: The starter was satisfying, the entree was tasty but unfulfilling, and the desert was sour and indigestible.
I am not recommending this restraunt to my friends.